I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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