sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
