laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
