im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
