I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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