Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize