Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
