This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize