You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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