What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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