called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
