Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
