I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
