I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
sex in a hospital.. check
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
