you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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