You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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