the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
