I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
