I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
