i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
