and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
