This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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