he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
