Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
