He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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