One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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