I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
