I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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