You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
