ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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