Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I love you. Go after that dick
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
