apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
accomplished twins. life is a go
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize