Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
