cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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