hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
