Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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