He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
