you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
