nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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