I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize