Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
last night I used snow as a chaser
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
