Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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