strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
