if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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