That's intense
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize