This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
