We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
