I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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