I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
