Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
