somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
