I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
