I seem to have left my pride at pride
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
