Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
