we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
