Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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