just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
