what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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