And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
