I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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