it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize