You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
