Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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