The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
