The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
