It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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