Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
