you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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