Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
