I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
