K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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