RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
